Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Life is...

Lola is great...Liam has his moments, but most days I really feel like I'm losing my mind. And that's on a good day. Today, I woke up and said "OK. I'm done. I give up. This isn't fun anymore. I'm moving to Tahiti. ALONE". I wasn't serious :) But it felt good to acknowledge my feelings out loud, and Pat & I laughed about it (which also feels good). We tried to continue our laughter when I was in the shower, Lola was crying, and Liam was standing up peeing all over the bathmat (everywhere EXCEPT the potty, actually) while Pat was getting dressed.........

I'm quite tense 90% of the time. i think in addition to clenching my teeth, I'm clenching my fists as well. That makes for tingly not very well functioning hands most of the day. I have a massive headache today that feels like a tension headache. I despise being tense. I'd shell out $60 for a massage, but the tension would probably just come right back. I don't think I'll be able to manage it well until I'm able to exercise regularly....which won't be for another two weeks. *sigh* I've never been so anxious to get to exercising!

And to eat well - for that matter. I've been downing baked goods like nobody's business. Its been nice, I'll admit, to have so much comfort food around. Especially when I feel overwhelmed - I reach right for the chewy gooey sweet goodness of anything with flour and sugar. And preferably chocolate. And yes, it doesn't matter much because I am nursing so I can consume extra calories, but I'm thankful they're all gone. Maybe it will force me to deal with my feelings instead of drowning them out in food. Its about high time we start making our own meals, anyway. It has been a good month! I'm so very thankful to have so many friends who have made sure we have good meals to fill our bellies during this transition time.....

*sigh* All and all, its getting better (as all you moms of two promised me it would). The more times we go out just the three of us, the more I get the hang of it. Liam is turning into a great helper and really surprising me with how much he likes her and how interested he is in what she's doing. He often presents a running commentary....."Oh! Lola's crying!" or "Lola dropped binky" or "Baby sister is squeaking", often times providing pretty dead on imitations of whatever noises she makes. Quite cute, actually!

We'll ease into transitions with Liam as we can - i.e. Potty Training and sleeping in his big boy bed....hopefully he'll master those two things by the time he's 15 :) Until then, I just have to keep managing the expectations I put on myself, remind me (constantly) that nobody is perfect, and remember to take a couple of minutes and enjoy the two little people Pat & I have created, because despite all the chaos, they are really amazing.