*tap tap tap* Is this thing on?

 Its been a few minutes since I've published a post.  Years.

In the meantime, a lot of life has happened, and a lot of moments in the universe have pointed me in the direction of "YoU ShOuLD JorNAl"  but I haven't since I despise being told what to do, even by the universe. Maybe you could say blogging is akin to journaling, so I suppose I'll take this step and see where it lead me.

Today, earlier this afternoon, my Aunt Joni left the earth.  Passed away.  Went to heaven.  Joined the angels.  Sashayed to the great party in the sky.  Kicked the bucket.

Ugh.  There are no words that make it sound OK.

She is a grandmother, a mom, a wife, an aunt, a Godmother, the very best sister.  She leaves so many broken hearts behind.

But I keep thinking about her finger nails.

I know, it doesn't make sense.  Not a lot is making sense at the moment.  Death is strange because it has the ability to bring up old shit settled deep into your soul, and you're not sure if you're grieving the person who is gone - the people they've left behind - or the people long gone before them.  It makes sense it is a little of all of that.

Back to Joni's nails. She wasn't always "Aunt" Joni because "she is my friend!!", as a toddler me used to cry out when people tried to tell me she was my aunt.  She had this way of moving her fingers, gracefully and deftly, but so delicate and gentle at the same time.  Almost like someone would move when their nails were wet, and they didn't want to muss them up.  She did it when she talked, when she crocheted, helping kids with shoes, and even when she was pulling lice out of my hair at her dining room table when Karli gave those buggers to me during college.  She had pretty hands (did she love her nails?) and in my memory they were well kept and shaped nicely, sometimes painted (but I can't remember if they were always so).

I'm so thankful I had a couple days with her this summer.  One last big hug to last me....well....forever.

I love you, Joni. Thank you for being my friend.

Storytime - the end of a journey

Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus! {177/(365/2)}, originally uploaded by ~*~ KO ~*~.

This pic from yesterday represents one of my favorite things about being a Mom - reading to my kids :) Not only that, but it gives me great, great, heart bursting joy to know that my kids enjoy reading books too. I mean, to fight over how many books to read at night? What better fight to have!!

This particular book cracks me up - and if you haven't read any Mo Willems books, then you absolutely MUST! Pigeon is great - Piggie and Gerald are also awesome. Good times to be had by all.

THis picture also makes me a bit sad, in a way. I've decided recently to put the kibosh on my 365 project, cutting it in two and stopping at 182. Why? Many reasons, I suppose....its not the actual picture taking that takes a lot of time, its the processing and posting, but also its the Flickring as a whole.....visiting friends photos, posting, praising, getting lost on Flickr. Its a huge time suck that I don't have the time for right now. I've got to focus on work, on my business, and my family....and I can't afford right now to spend any more time on the computer than I have to, or I may go mad.

I know many of you have enjoyed my journey, and I really appreciate all your kind words and encouragment (especially you, Mom & Dad :) ). Affirmation is definitely my friend. But in less than a week, I shall walk away. I'd like to say that I'll still continue to post occasionally, but the track record shows that I more than likely won't. If I get burned out on something I have to walk away and recoup for a while before dipping my toes back in.

Back to why this particular pic makes me a bit sad....well, walking away from this project means missing out on opportunities like this. I may have never taken this photo had I not been participating in a 365 project. That goes for many, many other photos like it. I'm hoping that participating in this for as long as I did will make me more aware of capturing me in the picture as well as those around me.

I'm so proud of everything I've produced, and the memories that I've captured and told. I know they'll bring me joy for years to come. I still plan on producing a book to hold all the quippets and memories, it will just be half as thick :)

Thank you, 365/2 journey - for all you've taught and brought me.

Sleep, sweet sleep.

I'm incredibly tired today.

Not unlike most every day when my child wakes up before 5AM. Honeybuns did a fantastic job of keeping him occupied (even after a 3Am wake up call from Lola...but she went back to sleep). I still didn't really sleep after his initial wake up. Its like I just laid in bed and was PRAYING to get back to sleep, but not actually sleeping. I was thinking Maybe if I pretended hard enough, it would actually find me and then I would feel refreshed and ready to tackle the day after sleeping for another 30 minutes.

The truth is, I'm NEVER ready to jump out of bed and attack the day. I don't like mornings. Never have. Ask my college room / housemates. Somedays I feel like I could just lay there for days on end, warm and under the covers, protected from the stresses of the world. I almost feel like if I'm in bed - I have no responsibility other than to keep myself warm.....but the second my feet hit the hardwood, I've got to take care of everyone else.

Alas, the world beckons me to wake from my slumber, day after day...and I keep pushing back, begging my kids to give Mommy a couple more minutes of sweet, sweet time for me.

*Sigh* Isn't that an eternal battle of parenthood? Trying to get your kids to sleep better? It's like we fight and fight to get them to sleep well, but then by the time they're teenagers we're fighting to get them to get their lazy bones out of bed. Perfect example of the grass is always greener. I realize I should resign to the fact that I'm never going to sleep as well as or as long as I'd like to, but I can't seem to let it go.


Side Note: In general, the kids are great sleepers, much, MUCH better than many other kiddos out there. They go to bed easily, take naps well, and in general, sleep through the night. Its just the early wake up from Liam that is killer. He's just like his dad in that regard, a happy morning person. Lola on the other hand, is my kind of girl. We often have to wake her up to get ready to head to school. I think she'd sleep until 9 if we let her. Thankfully though, even when we do wake her up, she's all sweet and smiles, dancing in a half awake head bopping daze to "Good Morning to You" and "You are My Sunshine". Sometimes I even get a half sleepy "Cha Cha Cha" at the end :)

So, yeah, its not all that bad :) It is the actual act of getting out of bed for me that's the worst.

Another side note: Tomorrow's Self Portrait theme is The Karate Kid Pose!!! I'm pretty pumped about it :) I just have to think of / find a great location....

She's a daddy's girl!

There was a time when Pat was so worried....because truth be told, Lola didn't like him very much. She was pretty attached to me, and no one else.

There's no doubt about it now :) She looooves her Daddy!

We've gotten tons of comments from various people saying how much she looks like Pat. So Liam looks like Pat, Lola looks like Pat...but Liam and Lola don't really look like each other. Apparently I was just the cooking vessel.

I'm starting to see the resemblance between Lola and Pat more and more lately. Especially her smile. She does this little smirk that always reminds me of this photograph Pat's mom sent me to fix for her a few years ago. I finally got around to searching for it so I could do a comparison. Yup. Sure enough.....same sweet little smirk, and a carbon copy little nose :) She even has a sweet little dimple on the same side (although you can't see it here - I flipped the photo to compare from similar vantage points...so Lola is actually a mirror of her actual self!).

I think Pat was closer to 18 months in this photo (Lola was 6 months), but you can definitely see a resmblance!

Yardwork

Instead Of..., originally uploaded by karintobrien.

I do love myself some yard work. There's not much more wonderful than tackling a project and seeing the fruits of your labor not too many hours after. But man - is it W-O-R-K! Our latest home project was to remove a 50 sq ft patch of tiger lilies that resided smack dab in the middle of our front lawn. During this project, I came to a quite a few realizations.

1. Tiger Lilies are my arch nemesis. Although they are very pretty when they bloom in late summer, we have them all over our yard, and they pretty much choke out everything else they grow around. We learned recently, judging by their root growth, that they have probably been in the ground for quite a few years. The tubule system is extensive....and they are HUGE pain in the ass to dig up.

HUGE.

2. I have a new found respect for women I used to see in Mexico working and wearing a child on their back. Those of you who know me should be well aware that I'm a big baby wearing advocate, and partake in doing so quite regularly. Usually I'm just walking around or chasing after Liam while wearing Lola. During this recent project, I wore her on my back for the better part of an hour. While digging up lilies. EGADS! That is even harder to do than I imagined. Babywearing + Manual Labor = tough. All those women across the world who do it on a regular basis because they have no other choice just achieved more super hero status than before.

3. I need a nail brush. Even with gloves, dirt seems to get into every crevice. And although I contemplated using it today, I shouldn't utilize our bottle brush to get the goop out of my nails.

4. Any project that involves completion while the kids are nearby automatically takes 10,000 times longer. But it certainly is adorable when they help....or even when they sit and play in the dirt and get filthy. Not adorable? When they are in the Cozy Coupe and repeatedly headed near the street. That makes me kind of jumpy.

5. Working outside affords visibility and more interaction with neighbors. I just found out today that our neighbor had a baby....a month ago. YIKES! Granted, they just moved in a few months ago and we don't see much of them, but I feel like I should have known.

6. I'm out of shape. I really am motivated to complete a project after I start, even if that means I'm working myself to the bone....way beyond my physical capacity. I just want things to be done! This is a positive quality to have in general....but now I'm so tired and sore that it kind of hurts to type. I may have pulled something. Or somethings. I've also realized that I'm filthy to the max.....so I'm going to stop typing and try to relax in a hot shower for a while.

I'm hoping the sod takes well in the front...it already looks nicer than the glob of lilies intertwined with weeds and grass :)

Lazy dayz

Or should I say less than lazy? We've been a pretty busy family as of late, but then again, who isn't? I'm just trying to place the blame of being a lazy blogger somewhere other than on my shoulders ;) I think that I'm doing a rather good job of not parking my ass in front of the computer 100% though, so I suppose if a side effect of having a life not online is less frequent blogging, than so be it!

There is SO very much to say though! I realized so much is happening with Lola - so many new, cool, developing baby things - and I'm not documenting any of them because I'm not blogging! Because of this, I'll be *attempting* to do at least a weekly update of cool, new, Lola things :) This week, her newly learned skill is lifting her chubtastic little legs up in the air! Its so adorable (as are most things she does) - she lifts them up and puts her hands on her thighs because her legs can go any higher because of her chubby belly.....it makes me laugh every time! In addition to her leg awareness and strength, she's also mastering the art of sucking (or chewing, rather) on her thumb. Lola is pretty much a pro at sticking it in her mouth.....and she doesn't gag every time she does it anymore. She's also very aware of her hands, and as of today can grab a toy and hang on to it for a while. Her favorite (or Mommy's favorite) is a squishy, crinkly little starfish.

Lola has been doing well taking a bottle now, thanks largely in part to a different nipple design introduced by the Koesterim (thanks Keren!). She had been (and when I say she, I really mean Pat) struggling with a bottle for a while, and even though we tried the various designs / flow rates available from when Liam was a baby, we hadn't ventured to try other designs. And when I say we hadn't ventured, I mean we were too cheap to buy different ones that we didn't know would work. Keren gave us one of Ella's to try, and lo and behold, Lola took right to it! That has made Pat's life tremendously better.

Despite efforts made in the bottle feeding department (which Pat does when I'm off working at The Container Store), Lola still isn't the hugest fan of her daddy, which is terribly heartbreaking! She just 100% prefers to hang out with Mommy! (Not that I blame her, because I am supremely awesome!) It just makes me feel bad when she screams her head off when Pat holds her, and then I take her and she immediately stops crying. Most friends have assured me they've gone through similar phases, and its most likely due to the association with breastfeeding....she'll be daddy's little girl soon enough.

Speaking of breastfeeding - still going smashingly. Leaps and bounds and leaps and bounds easier than go 'round numero uno. I'm approaching the 4 month mark in a few days, which was as far as I got with Liam before we weaned him, and I'm looking forward to surpassing it. I have no expecations at this point - I only wanted to make it past 4 months, so any time here forward is a bonus. Not sure if I'll go the whole one year......lets put it this way. As long as its easy, I'll do it! And right now, its easy as pie ;)

And now, a Liam update. He's an incredible kid, and really does continue to amaze me. Most recently, he's amazing us with how far he pushes back to exert his independence and see just how far he can push limits. Amazing. And incredibly, incredibly frustrating. We're trying to be patient and good parents, but sometimes it is just so unbelievably hard. Right now, I'm just focusing on not yelling. Sometimes I feel like he won't listen at all - we ask him three times to do something, and it isn't until we yell that we get a reaction. Our librarian / friend suggested to try whispering. By golly, it seems to be working.....we'll see how long that lasts, though.

Aside from the pain in the assy-ness, his imagination is so cool to watch develop....playtime is definitely fun for the both of us! His favorite toys at the moment are Stickers and Mr. The King (Lightening McQueen and The King from Cars) and four monster trucks (Gravedigger, Captian's Curse, Hot Wheels, and Blue Thunder) that he likes to play with all together. They do a lot of climbing and jumping over things, just like they do in real life Monster Jam. Pretty hilarious. Espeically when they're doing stunts and I hear a very robust "AAAAAAHHHhhHHHHhh!" as they fly through the air :)

Oh! And a new favorite food for Liam: Edamame. He loves the stuff! And it is uber cool to watch him take them out of the pod himself. His cute little chubby fingers hard at work. So adorable!

And Liam is so, so, so very sweet with Lola. Really. It makes my heart melt and turn all sorts of fuzzy wuzzy mushy every time he interacts with her! Of course, there's times when I see a hint of jealousy when we're giving Lola attention, but as long as we take a second to include him in whatever we're doing, he's usually pretty happy to oblige, and I couldn't ask for anything more! The funniest thing is when he gets really close to her face, and puts on his BIGGEST smile possible trying to get her to give him "some Lola Smiles", and when she reacts to him, he just CRACKS up ;) So sweet. Seriously!

That about sums it up for the time being. I've got to get back to baking brownies - its a test run for next week's show down for Heidi's baby shower :) I hope they turn out!

WOW what a day!

I can honestly say yesterday was one of the toughest days I've experienced in a L-O-N-G time. Its exhausting just to think about it! Pat was gone overnight on business, and I was bound and determined to leave the house early in the morning in order to make it to playgroup on time.

That was my first mistake.

I really need to be better at managing my expectations and not being so stubborn and thick headed when it comes to wanting to get out of the house on time. Because, with two kids, lets face it, its not going to happen. I did my best getting everything ready that I possibly could the night before, but even then I couldn't quite swing the one hour timeframe I had from the moment the kids woke up to the time we set foot out the door. I did come close though, and I should be more proud of myself for that.

But I did forget my phone. For the first time yesterday.

The ride into the city was typical - trafficy and congested as it is during morning rush hour. I avoided the worst by taking surface streets, but when we arrived close to our destination road work and yuppies threw a wrench in my plan again. And I let it AGGRAVATE me SO much! I really try to remain calm and relaxed......but it didn't work. Then I had to park next to a snow bank and drag the kids through it and cross a busy street (thanks to the very nice people who stopped and let us cross!). We get into Pump It Up (inflatable fun jumpy toys!) and Liam doesn't want to jump...he just wants to play in the Cozy Coupe Car.....which we have at home. *sigh* again, I have no idea why it let it get to me so much (it might have something to do with lack of sleep, since I have a hard time going to bed before 1AM when Pat is gone), but I was so irritated to be at this cool place which I paid my hard earned not so plentiful money to get in, and he was not experiencing it like I had planned in my head. Again, I need to learn to manage my expectations of my 2 year old son.

The ride back was nice, but by the time we got home I was still in such a cranky mood that I was uber short with Liam and a very Yell-ey Mommy, which then in turn makes me feel worse because its not his fault he just wants some attention and I want to check out mentally....

Then I received word that an 8 week old baby that I've been praying for lost his fight for his life. Not anyone I knew in real life (the Mom is from one of the online photography forums I frequent), but still heartbreaking none-the-less. He had whooping cough, and RSV, and then pneumonia, and then a blood infection..........and it just broke my heart.

It did give me some perspective on my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day though, and I was a much more calm, centered Mom for the afternoon.

I was looking forward to a much needed Mom's night out at the bowling alley......and then I got a ticket for running a stop sign near my house (I still don't know how the hell I could have run it.....but I don't doubt the cop was lying!). Then while bowlign I forgot my phone in my car...for the 2nd time that day. I missed 6 calls from a frantic Pat, who was convinced at the time we needed to take Lola to the hospital, and it broke my heart again hearing her scream in the background. I felt like such a shmuck. and a horrible mother. We're still not sure what was wrong with her last night, but she appears to be fine now.

I think I cried - all out bawling - four times yesterday. But today is a new day. And I'm grateful for my blessings and my family.....I'm hoping its all up from here!

See you later, dear Chino

This morning, our family's beloved pet, Chino the obnoxious and adorable Lhasa Apso, went to the Rainbow Bridge after succumbing to renal failure. She was crazy, but oh so sweet and snuggly, and spent a good 7 years bringing love to my parent's & Karli (and us too when we visited!). We'll miss her flying through the air to catch her slippers, barking at everything and anything, chasing after plastic bottles, and laying on her back twitching in her own spastic way :)

Big hugs to Mom, Dad & Karli......

The Rainbow Bridge inspired by a Norse legend By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill, Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still. Where the friends of man and woman do run, When their time on earth is over and done. For here, between this world and the next, Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest. On this golden land, they wait and they play, Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day. No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness, For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness. Their limbs are restored, their health renewed, Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued. They romp through the grass, without even a care, Until one day they start, and sniff at the air. All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back, Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack. For just at that instant, their eyes have met; Together again, both person and pet. So they run to each other, these friends from long past, The time of their parting is over at last. The sadness they felt while they were apart, Has turned into joy once more in each heart. They embrace with a love that will last forever, And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together.

Visit the original poem HERE

Busy busy bee!

The good news is, I'm feeling fantastic! No PPD to speak of, as of yet anyway, getting lots of sleep due to a fantastically sleeping baby, and being HELLA productive with my time. I'm exercising more....not necessarily eating less, but we'll get there ;) I feel like I'm being a better Mom to Liam than I was the first few weeks, and in general I'm just starting to get the hang of this Mom to Two thing :) Hooray!

Lola is growing like mad! She's got her 8 week appointment on Friday, so we'll update again after that :) Wii Fit says she weighed 13.5 pounds about a week ago, so we'll see how accurate the game system is. She's definitely much more alert, checking things out, smiling, ahh-ing, goo-ing, and ah-goo-ing. She's gorgeous!

Liam is a great big brother - he is still always talking to her and about her, and often gives a narration of what's going on with her. He really likes to lay next to her in bed when we're saying our prayers and reading books, and he gets mad if he doesn't get to give her a kiss on her head. Its so sweet, really. And much better than I could have ever expected!

The bad news is, I've been SO productive and back into the swing of things that its a little bit ridiculous. I've had a gazillion photography shoots, interviewed four times (and got the job!) at The Container Store and in general readying the house for the Holidays. Its been busy, and at times I've been slightly overwhelmed, but Pat has been so incredibly supportive that its all worked itself out quite well. AND we've got money for Christmas, which is also very good ;)

I start my seasonal employment with The Container Store on December 13, and I am PUMPED! I love every one of the 10,000 products that they carry, and I cannot wait to learn more about living the Organized life! This also allows me to earn a little extra cash as I transition to ramping up the photography business, and also get me out of the house for a few hours of kid free productivity. And, lets face it people - being in Forbes top 100 companies to work for 10 years running, combined with being surrounded by organizational goodness - what's not to love!

So its been a little chaotic and not much time to sit back, relax and update the ol' blog-o, but I'm ok with that! We'll just keep riding this wave!!!

Life is...

Lola is great...Liam has his moments, but most days I really feel like I'm losing my mind. And that's on a good day. Today, I woke up and said "OK. I'm done. I give up. This isn't fun anymore. I'm moving to Tahiti. ALONE". I wasn't serious :) But it felt good to acknowledge my feelings out loud, and Pat & I laughed about it (which also feels good). We tried to continue our laughter when I was in the shower, Lola was crying, and Liam was standing up peeing all over the bathmat (everywhere EXCEPT the potty, actually) while Pat was getting dressed.........

I'm quite tense 90% of the time. i think in addition to clenching my teeth, I'm clenching my fists as well. That makes for tingly not very well functioning hands most of the day. I have a massive headache today that feels like a tension headache. I despise being tense. I'd shell out $60 for a massage, but the tension would probably just come right back. I don't think I'll be able to manage it well until I'm able to exercise regularly....which won't be for another two weeks. *sigh* I've never been so anxious to get to exercising!

And to eat well - for that matter. I've been downing baked goods like nobody's business. Its been nice, I'll admit, to have so much comfort food around. Especially when I feel overwhelmed - I reach right for the chewy gooey sweet goodness of anything with flour and sugar. And preferably chocolate. And yes, it doesn't matter much because I am nursing so I can consume extra calories, but I'm thankful they're all gone. Maybe it will force me to deal with my feelings instead of drowning them out in food. Its about high time we start making our own meals, anyway. It has been a good month! I'm so very thankful to have so many friends who have made sure we have good meals to fill our bellies during this transition time.....

*sigh* All and all, its getting better (as all you moms of two promised me it would). The more times we go out just the three of us, the more I get the hang of it. Liam is turning into a great helper and really surprising me with how much he likes her and how interested he is in what she's doing. He often presents a running commentary....."Oh! Lola's crying!" or "Lola dropped binky" or "Baby sister is squeaking", often times providing pretty dead on imitations of whatever noises she makes. Quite cute, actually!

We'll ease into transitions with Liam as we can - i.e. Potty Training and sleeping in his big boy bed....hopefully he'll master those two things by the time he's 15 :) Until then, I just have to keep managing the expectations I put on myself, remind me (constantly) that nobody is perfect, and remember to take a couple of minutes and enjoy the two little people Pat & I have created, because despite all the chaos, they are really amazing.

We're managing :)

Day 3 or so of being solitos....and things appear to be going well. Its about 1,000 times easier when Pat is around to help, but since he has to go out and work and bring home the bacon, I suppose I should just suck it up and learn how to do it well on my own.

That doesn't mean I have to like it though.

I don't like anything really that I don't excel at right off the bat. And believe you me, although I thought I was a pretty good Mom to Liam, juggling two is definitely an acquired area of expertise. I'm short tempered, angry, and in general, Super Seniorita Crankypants. I suppose it stems from many, many things in life coming pretty easy to me....(sports, education, etc.) so when things aren't natural I tend to bitch and whine and kick dirt in your general direction.

Just like the sport of golf (which I also sucked at big time at first...and now the only thing I continue to pursue despite my mediocrity), I'm sure I'll grow to love being a mother of two (even when I'm all by myself) and enjoy it, even when it continues to push me and kick my ass.

:::::::::::::::::::::::: EMOTIONS ::::::::::::::::::::::::

Emotionally I'm still hanging in there - I've only managed to break down and bawl my eyes out once since Lola's arrival (well, unless you count when my Mom left to go back home...but that's different). It was at the end of the first day, and I was so angry at the world. Mostly I was mad at myself for allowing the effin' up of Liam's life. I know, that was a bit of an exaggeration, but I was in no condition to be argued against. I just felt like I spent 95% of the day yelling at him because he wouldn't listen to me. Its like my mind completely forgot that he's TWO and not an 18 year old PFC. *sigh* Pat is a smart man...he just let me vent, and gently reminded me that tomorrow is a new day.

:::::::::::::::::::::::: BIG BOY BED ::::::::::::::::::::::::

We went to IKEA and purchased Liam a new big boy bed. We were just going to buy a mattress and put it on the floor (so he couldn't fall down very far if he fell out) but we found a cute little frame to drop it in as well. Hopefully, he'll start taking naps in it without too much trouble, then we'll move him into it for night time as well. He thinks its cool, and has started spending time laying on it and reading books. The hardest part is going to be getting him to lay / sleep / sit on it and not jump on it. I think we made the right decision on not getting a spring mattress - we went with foam instead - which cuts down on the jumpability factor right off the bat.

:::::::::::::::::::::::: HALLOWEEN ::::::::::::::::::::::::

Liam has a slight fascination with pumpkins / jack-o-lanterns, which I think stems from a couple of great books given to him by his Grandmas. He loves looking at them from afar when he's in the car, and he loves to carry them around (or at least try). He likes to tell us what kind of face they have on - happy, sad, angry or even surprised! He was actually devastated when we carved ours and left them out on the front porch....he really, really, wanted them to come back inside!

So we were so excited when Aunt Moe said we could borrow the Pumpkin Costume that Grandma O'Brien had made. He's worn it every day for the past couple of days! The cutest thing is when he says he's NOT a pumpkin, he's a Jack-O-Lantern. Or, when he practices his "Trick Or Treat!". He's generally a pretty shy kid, so it will be interesting to see if he actually says it while we're out in the 'hood.

Here's a quick photo of our practicing pumpkin, and another of our spooky halloween decorations! I'm so excited to finally have them out!


:::::::::::::::::::::::: LOLA'S SICK :( ::::::::::::::::::::::::

Liam had a slight little cold last week, and has since given it to his little sister. No fever or anything, and she's still eating like a champ - so we haven't done much about it. However, last night she started getting a little too congested for my taste, so I think we'll finally head to the doctor today. It just breaks my heart to hear her struggle to get her nose cleared up! I wish she had the brains to know it is much, much easier to breathe clearly when she sucks on her binky, but she doesn't appear to care much.

Lets see.....

I've covered my anxiety before the surgery, the surgery itsself and the rest of the birthday.....what's left to talk about.

Oh, well, the hospital stay was fabulous. We didn't score a lakeview room, but we did have a nice city view and a view of a Green Roof, and the construction of Children's Memorial Hospital. A construction zone isn't normally fun to look at, but considering our background, and our son's current fascination with all things construction, it actually worked out relatively well. And it was also fun to trapse around naked-nude in front of the windows, taunting the construction workers that couldn't see me. Or at least I thought they couldn't see me.

The decor was beautiful - especially the bathrooms! Corian countertops, beautiful blue green glass tile and travetine-esque tile in the bathrooms. I realized during the last day of my stay that the view from my bed prevented me from seeing very little any medical equipment at all. I'm sure this was intentional, and makes for a quite pleasant (aesthetically) stay. Most importantly, every single thing worked as planned during our entire visit ;) During our last hospital stay (which was during the last month of that hospital's existence before they opened the new one), we called maintenance for some reason at least once a day. The most annoying of which was the bathroom light, which kept on burning out. The staff was still good, but it was annoying overall.

We took home all sorts of awesome supplies - diapers, breast feeding gear, gigantic maxi-pads, receiving blankets, etc. It was like a medical supplied Christmas!

Since we've been home Lola has been an angel - eating like a trooper and sleeping just as well. I realize it might be short lived, but I'm enjoying it while it lasts. There are no shortage of arms that want to snuggle her, but she's perfectly content to sleep by herself in the bassinet. This is night and day from Liam, who refused to be put down for any period of time for his first six weeks of life.

Thanks to the breastfeeding, my boobs are in mega-pornstar mode having swelled to 50x their original size. OK, maybe I exaggerate a little, but you get the idea. I've always been relatively well endowed to begin with, so you can imagine how big they are now. They are, in the words of a friend, officially Milk Boulders. Rock Hard and GIANT. To be honest, they look pretty cool :) Pat and I took a photo, although we're not going to share with the general public. Shocking, I know, since I'm not one to withold TMI. They hurt like a MoFo, and although it feels better than yesterday there are still a few days to go before my milk supply stabilizes. Until then, its a lot of compression (warm and cold), a lot of massage and long warm showers to try to relieve the pressure.

::::::::::: Liam and Lola :::::::::::

One more hospital event: Liam meeting Lola. He was pretty much disinterested - and much more engaged in trying to push all the buttons on the bed (he called the nurse twice) and marveling at the construction equipment next door. What I wanted to see is a proud brother sitting on the couch, excited to hold his baby sister for the first time.....which is a pretty unrealistic expectation. I don't know why I conjured up the image in my head (I'm lying, I do...because it would make a good photo), but I think his actual reaction was pretty normal. I even bought a balloon for him from Baby Lola, which he liked, but that was about it.

After we got home, he was a little more welcoming. He acknowledged when Lola was crying ("OhhH! Baby cryyying!") and occasionally pointed and said "Baby Seester" or "Baby OhhLa". But for the most part he tried to avoid her (and us) and played by himself or with Mema. At one point, I remember him running down the hall full speed, stopping in his tracks when he got to the living room, looking straight to the baby bassinet (with a baby sleeping comfortably inside), and then turned right back around to run and play in his room.

Mema & Daddy have been giving him lots of love and attention, but I really haven't as much. Mostly because its dangerous for me! He's a very active (read: CRAZY!) two year old, and he doesn't understand that he can really hurt me!! I try to give him hugs and kisses when I can, but its not nearly as many as I feel like I should. I think it will all work out OK eventually. Today, he actually wanted to see and hug her...and he actually held Lola for the first time today (just like the photo I wanted!). It didn't last long. She started rooting and sucking his face - he freaked out saying "no more kisses baby Lola!" But it certainly was adorable while it lasted :)



You can see the rest of the set on flickr HERE

Side by Side

Admittedly, I've been really lax about taking the requisite photo every 4 weeks to show belly progress. Call it a combination of lack of energy / not loving the body changes / laziness. Whatever. I did manage to take a couple, and here is a comparison of approximately the same time frame as when I was pregnant for Liam. Its not an exact copy, but I tried to get them as close as I could :)


I really don't see much difference, do you? If you're brave, you can click the photo for a bigger look. My boobs are bigger now, the belly button is flatter...and I've got more stretch marks above my belly button (which you conveniently can't see due to the soft blur of the photo :) Ahhh - I love photoshop :) ). I feel like my butt is bubbly-er too, or maybe my posture is just worse LOL. Keep in mind, I'm almost at exactly the same weight I was last time too....interesting how things move around.

I don't know. People say they can tell by looking how you're carrying if its going to be a boy or a girl. If the first one is a boy, any one care to guess what #2 will be?? I'm calling it a girl - for the record. Just a feeling more so than analyzing how I'm physically carrying. I've felt that way since I first found out I was pregnant....I guess we'll find out soon enough!

Last OB Appointment!

Yup, that's right! I had my last OB appointment before little bambino makes his/her arrival! The big date is all set and ready to go for Friday, October 2, at 10:30 AM. I've got my instructions and now all we have to do is wait :) The appointment went well - everything is still "high and tight" so no signs of baby trying to make an early arrival. Heartbeat nice and strong, and my BP a cool 110/60. I've been lucky this summer with it being soooo very cool, I've had little to no swelling issues at all. AND, as of this morning, I'm sitting at a total gain of 21 pounds :) I feel like 90% of that is boobs and belly....maybe mostly boobs seeing as how stinking GIANT they are!

All in all, I've been feeling relatively OK. Aside from the occasional late night or belly discomfort disruption, I'm sleeping pretty well. Pain has been manageable - baby is still sitting pretty high, so my hips haven't given me nearly as much grief as I expected. Don't get me wrong, they are still very achy, but not as bad as it could be. Back hurts, its tiring to stand or walk for too long, I don't do much in the way of bending over because its not very comfortable, I can't sit and snuggle much with Liam because my belly gets in the way.....but all normal pregnancy stuff. Pat has so very graciously taken over Liam bath duty and night time duty, and pretty much every other duty, which I'm very grateful for...especially since he doesn't even hint at complaining. He's such a great man - I don't know where I'd be without him.

Saturday evening I spent a good 6 hours or so with regular contractions that were just slightly more painful than annoying :) Got tired of waiting for them to get more intense or closer together, so took some benedryl and went to sleep...all was normal in the morning! It was very strange to experience that though - sitting and timing contractions. I didn't have a stop watch handy, but used my iPod instead :) Nifty little stopwatch thing that has!

I think it was so strange because I hadn't experienced it before when I was pregnant with Liam. No regular contractions at all, until I was in the hospital and on Pitocin. In fact, since Liam's pregnancy is the only one I have to go by, I've pretty much been expecting my water to break, although I know it only happens to 20% or less of people. That's kind of stressful....its like every time I go to the bathroom I expect more fluid than just urine to gush out. Yeah, TMI...but whatev.

The other issue I've been wrestling with regarding the idea of going into labor before Friday AM is eating. Its like I don't want to eat, just in case I spontaneously go into labor. If I do I have to, then I have to wait at least 6 hours before having a c-section. I know, its kind of weird, but I never claimed to be normal. Same thing with taking medication (like heartburn or allergy stuff). I end up suffering a bit because I'm afraid if I do take it, it will affect my hypothetical c-section in some way. I'm kind of over it, but kind of not, because its always in the back of my mind.

Well. that's pretty much it! I'm not planning on taking my computer with me to the hospital, because its giant, so my next post very well might be after we're settling in at home with the new kiddo!! Wish us luck!

Halloweenie, Creepy Skulls and other Miscellany...

It was brought to my attention that most people (I.E. especially Pat, his brother, and family) find my incredibly adorable Árbol de la Vida adorned with Calacas and other Calaveras very creepy. Here are the items in question....


*sigh* They are so uncultured.....

I found my post where I tried to explain the concept of the Mexican Art when I purchasedback in 2006 (Egads, have I been blogging for that long!??). Its a rather long post though....and I found a better summary on Mexconnect. It all goes back to pre-Hispanic times (i.e. indiginous peeps before the Spaniards came to rape our land) and the duality / balance / equilibrium present in that culture.

"The skeletons and skulls of Mexican folk art reflect the dualism fundmental to the pre-Hispanic world view. Without duality in all aspects of life, the universe loses its equilibrium. Animal and human forms; masculine and feminine energies - all are needed. Of all these balancing forces, perhaps none is more significant than that of life and death."

So really, one would fear skulls over babies (death and life) no more than a man over a woman (masculine and feminine energies). That wouldn't make any sense, because all these play equal parts in balacing of the universe. Make sense now?? I think our own fear and creep-outie-ness of skulls and items associated with death are ingrained from a long oppression instilled by our mainly Christian roots, taught to fear death....at least that's how I feel about it.

And in understanding the roots of the art, I can appreciate the beauty! So its NOT creepy - its BEAUTIFUL!!!

Hard to believe

Yet another year has flown by! It is so very humorous to me how much of my life is expressed in cliches now....but there is a reason :) Just because they are cheesey cliches like "I can't believe how big he is!" and "How did a year just fly by so quickly?" does not make them any less true. He's such a big boy!

Here he is just one year ago on big birthday Numero Uno :)



And, Sunday at his Birthday Party celebrating 2 great years on earth :)


A little less messy, but certainly not less adorable :)

We didn't want to have a party for him initially....but the best of my maternity induced guilt got to me, and I wanted him to have one last center of attention hurrah before his life is changed forever. We had a great time despite the craptastic weather, and I think he's pretty darn happy with the oodles of trucks and cars that now happily occupy his toy space :) Of course, we also let him open two small matchbox cars this morning (it is his actual birthday, after all) and after his nap he was devastated to remember that he lost the Birthday Orange Truck at playgroup today. Like the 50 other trucks and cars he had just gotten weren't nearly as good as the $0.76 one he lost. *sigh* Isn't that always the way??

I'm anticipating the arrival of baby number two to really send him into a tailspin, but I'm also hoping I'm terribly wrong and that he'll do just fine :) It will be interesting to see how it all pans out!

Happy Birthday Little Bear :)

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Baby update :)

I had so many things to say.....so many insightful things....but I ALWAYS forget!

Sigh

::::::::::: Baby Charlie :::::::::::

I have many friends in the Chicagoland area, many of whom have been popping out babies in assembly line fashion! Its been amazing to see the transition between one kid and two, and actually pretty empowering. Seeing all these women do it makes me feel less overwhelmed, and I know I can take it on....although, at the same time, its rather scary because *gulp* the next most pregnant person than I just had her kiddo on Sunday!

Welcome officially Baby Charlie (Charlize)!

I've actually avoided holding other newborns...mostly because I was kind of nervous. Nervous to actually HAVE one again! But, since I had a check up today right next door, and I wanted to sneak a peek at the hospital too, I thought I would drop by and say hello. Holding her was so very nice - so warm and snuggly. Yeah, I'm holding out hope that I'll be able to enjoy the newborn stage this time....keeping my fingers crossed!

::::::::::: Two weeks away :::::::::::

Or just over, anyway. October 2, 10:30AM. So far, so good. I had a 37 week check up today - everything is looking smashing! Even had a growth ultrasound to see how baby is growing. The estimate was 7 lbs 5 oz as of today. (However, the margin of error is 15%, which basically swings it a pound in either direction). So, if we take that estimate and figure an average 1/2 lb gain of baby per week, then we're looking at topping Liam's birth weight of 8 lbs 7 oz (or being pretty darn close). We'll see how close they are. Not that it matters much with this being a c-section and all. They also looked at a bunch of other stuff...amniotic fluid level looks great, blood flow looks great, heart looks great...etc. My Blood Pressure is steady and low....everything looks great!

I'm actually feeling well, too. Not sure if its a home stretch burst of energy or what, but I'll take it.

::::::::::: Adjusting to baby :::::::::::

Thankfully Liam has been exposed to a LOT of babies over the course of the past six months, due to my very fertile friends. This is good, but we also wanted to prepare him (or at least attempt to) by doing things at home. So we borrowed a baby doll from Larkin (Pat's niece) and have had it laying around the house since we've moved. We practice being gentle to it, and change its diaper, and give kissies and hugs at night. We've also set up the baby swings & bouncy seats and practice taking baby in and out.

He's a smart kiddo though - he knows the difference between a real baby and a toy, but I figured its good exposure if nothing else than to have all the baby crap all over the house. I have no idea if any of this is going to help the transition, but I figure it can't hurt.

The only negative (so far) thing happened today. I busted out all my wraps and slings, wrapped myself up and stuck the doll inside. I told Liam he couldn't climb all over me because I was snuggling the baby.....and he looked up at me with his big ol' sad eyes and said "All done snuggle baby?" and tried to take the baby out. I think I may have to come up with a different word than Snuggle when I'm holding the baby, because he definitely knows what snuggles are, and I don't want him to get too jealous when I'm snuggling the baby all day long. At least I'm assuming I'll be all wrapped up all the time. That's how it was with Liam....

::::::::::: Liam Time Outs :::::::::::

Little man had about a zillion time outs at playgroup today. He was putting sand in his hair over and over at the park, and dumping out all the goldfish crackers in the bowl. Not mind blowing stuff mind you, but things he knows better not to do. Yeah yeah, I know he's only two (almost!) but still....I think I have a pretty good idea of what instructions he's capable of following, and he just was adamant about not following them today. The saddest was when he was sitting on the bench begging me "all done time outs, mommy, all done". He was so cute.....

If you are a Tiger's Fan...

Then I'm sure you've heard about Ernie Harwell's cancer.

And maybe even about his decision to not proceed with any medical intervention.

When I first read about it, I felt a pang of sadness that he was sick...and then I thought to myself (and maybe even out lout to Pat) "For Pete's sake - he's NINETY-ONE!! He's going to go one way or another. I wouldn't go through with chemo or anything either!". After reading an additional article from MLive - he really does exude the peace that he has for this part of his life's journey. I hope I'm that open and wise when I reach his age.

It still doesn't take that pang of sadness away.

I realize many people look to him as a grandfather figure - someone who has been part of their lives for as long as they can remember. I don't necessarily have that kind of attachment to the man personally, but the memories his voice brings holds a special place in my heart. His voice was the the sound of summer.....interlaced in the soundtrack of my childhood. We would play outside, and Dad would have a radio on the workbench in the garage, which was inevitably tuned to Tiger Baseball.

Tiger Baseball. Memories of going to Tiger Stadium with my Dad, Grandpa** & family. Eating peanuts in the shell. Learning how to keep a scorecard. Relishing the sunshine. Hearing the crack of a wooden bat making contact with the ball. Trying to follow a homerun ball before it was lost in the sun or the stands. Watching a great double play unfold or seeing someone lay down a nice bunt. Strategy. Power. The Game.

Somewhere in those warm, fuzzy, happy memories, Ernie's voice will always be.

I wish him well.

**I'm sure there were always other family members with us at those games, but for some reason I associate the memory predominately with the Patriarchs of the family. Which is OK - its my memory, I can remember it how I'd like :)

Mas computer woes :(

I no haz internets!!

well, obviously, I do a little bit if I'm posting. Duh.

I only have it if I'm hard wired into the modem, or within three feet of the wireless router. Both of which are downstairs in the basement. Which I'm not keen on hanging out down there when I can't see or hear Liam very well in the playroom next to me.

So basically I have no Internet.

I spent about three and a half hours on the phone with technical support until they realized that yeah, something is wonky with my internal wireless modem thingy and it probably will have to be replaced. Lets hope its that easy! The down side is that once again I'll be without a computer for 7-10 business days after I send it out. That blows chunks. I think I probably will wait until next Monday to send it out, after I finish up some important business and finish editing some photographs....it still pretty much blows chunks though.

:::::::::::::: this weekend ::::::::::::::

Was totally awesome! Had a last minute visit from Tia Karli and Papa (i.e. Karli & my dad), and it was a lovely weekend! We went to the Lincoln Park Zoo, Pat & I got to have a nice lunch with Karli and just chat about her upcoming transition to college-hood, and we played two nights of fun family games....Scrabble & Monopoly. It was really, really nice. I miss my family! I wish they were closer.....but alas, wishing does us no good.

We have another treat in store for us this week too, as Monster Jer, Aunt Joni and Jelly are coming to visit before Jelly (i.e. Janelle)'s departure for the UK for a semester. She's flying out of O'Hare, so they're driving from Metro Detroit on Wednesday to prepare for the flight on Thursday. I'm SOO very excited for her :)

:::::::::::::: this week in preggo news ::::::::::::::

I'm getting bigger (surprise) and my body feels like its perpetually in a medieval torture device grip. It is beginning to really feel REAL (as if it wasn't before!??) because people who weren't that much more pregnant that I am are now popping out their children. This is crazy. I'm trying not to dwell on it too much, but I'm scared out of my wits.....but that my friends, is another, lengthy I'm sure, post.