I can honestly say yesterday was one of the toughest days I've experienced in a L-O-N-G time. Its exhausting just to think about it! Pat was gone overnight on business, and I was bound and determined to leave the house early in the morning in order to make it to playgroup on time.
That was my first mistake.
I really need to be better at managing my expectations and not being so stubborn and thick headed when it comes to wanting to get out of the house on time. Because, with two kids, lets face it, its not going to happen. I did my best getting everything ready that I possibly could the night before, but even then I couldn't quite swing the one hour timeframe I had from the moment the kids woke up to the time we set foot out the door. I did come close though, and I should be more proud of myself for that.
But I did forget my phone. For the first time yesterday.
The ride into the city was typical - trafficy and congested as it is during morning rush hour. I avoided the worst by taking surface streets, but when we arrived close to our destination road work and yuppies threw a wrench in my plan again. And I let it AGGRAVATE me SO much! I really try to remain calm and relaxed......but it didn't work. Then I had to park next to a snow bank and drag the kids through it and cross a busy street (thanks to the very nice people who stopped and let us cross!). We get into Pump It Up (inflatable fun jumpy toys!) and Liam doesn't want to jump...he just wants to play in the Cozy Coupe Car.....which we have at home. *sigh* again, I have no idea why it let it get to me so much (it might have something to do with lack of sleep, since I have a hard time going to bed before 1AM when Pat is gone), but I was so irritated to be at this cool place which I paid my hard earned not so plentiful money to get in, and he was not experiencing it like I had planned in my head. Again, I need to learn to manage my expectations of my 2 year old son.
The ride back was nice, but by the time we got home I was still in such a cranky mood that I was uber short with Liam and a very Yell-ey Mommy, which then in turn makes me feel worse because its not his fault he just wants some attention and I want to check out mentally....
Then I received word that an 8 week old baby that I've been praying for lost his fight for his life. Not anyone I knew in real life (the Mom is from one of the online photography forums I frequent), but still heartbreaking none-the-less. He had whooping cough, and RSV, and then pneumonia, and then a blood infection..........and it just broke my heart.
It did give me some perspective on my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day though, and I was a much more calm, centered Mom for the afternoon.
I was looking forward to a much needed Mom's night out at the bowling alley......and then I got a ticket for running a stop sign near my house (I still don't know how the hell I could have run it.....but I don't doubt the cop was lying!). Then while bowlign I forgot my phone in my car...for the 2nd time that day. I missed 6 calls from a frantic Pat, who was convinced at the time we needed to take Lola to the hospital, and it broke my heart again hearing her scream in the background. I felt like such a shmuck. and a horrible mother. We're still not sure what was wrong with her last night, but she appears to be fine now.
I think I cried - all out bawling - four times yesterday. But today is a new day. And I'm grateful for my blessings and my family.....I'm hoping its all up from here!