Sunday, April 03, 2005

Who Am I?

Every now and again an event will occur which sends me into a contemplative mood. It may be a movie, or maybe words from a friend which ring true, but it almost always happens when I’m already ready for it to occur. And it almost always involves crying a lot. **WARNING** THIS POST MAY BE LONG…….

Which brings me to my current state. I watched a movie, and now I’m like – Why am I Here? What is my purpose? Am I doing what truly makes me happy and what I feel like I’m called for? And then I think to myself – man, it would be awesome if I wasn’t this deep and never thought of these questions, and I wonder if those that don’t contemplate things ever achieve the culmination of their life, or if they just live and enjoy. Sometimes its hard to be an onion. Or a cake.

Anyway, I think in order to understand the whys, it is of utmost importance to understand the whos. As in, Who Am I?

I am hard to define, so lets break it down to likes and dislikes, and in general how I feel about me.

I love my skin. I love my back. Even though the weight of time has changed them, I believe I have damn near perfect breasts. I love my brown hair and my brown eyes. I love that my eyelashes are straight and long and that my fingernails have a good shape. I love the freckles on my nose and the freckles on my lips. I am overweight, but I am beautiful.

OK, since I lack the ability to really write cohesive poetic prose, I will from here on out just type whatever pops into my head.

I like getting up early when I’m camping and sitting on the beach before anyone else and watching the sun rise. I love the sound of just a campfire. I love the quietness of nature, and the bustle of the city. I’m selfish, yet I want to save the world. I want to become one with nature, as long as I can have a Starbucks Chai Latte. I’d love to give all my money away, but I love jewelry from Tiffany’s.

I love the energy that surges through me when I saw Mark McGuire break Roger Maris’s home run record. I love the sound of “Play Ball!”. I love beer. I believe only mustard should be put on hotdogs when at a ball game. I believe at the beginning of EVERY season that yes, this could be the Lions’ or Tigers’ year!

I only purchase bras and panties from Victoria’s Secret – and I used to work there!

I really love the smell, feel and taste of a good wine. I love boursin cheese on a water cracker. I love gorgonzola, but only if I’m in the mood. I always love it on a good juicy steak. I don’t like onions. Or mushrooms. No matter how many times I try. I really don’t like Italian food – but I don’t really dislike it either. I grew to love tomatoes, and asparagus. I LOVE LOVE LOVE peanut butter – but only JIF.

I listen to talk radio. I really love sports talk, and I love singing to country. I love the way my body wants to move with Salsa. I love the driving base of hip hop, and the way my emotions can be moved with a symphony. I love how a song about a soldier can make me cry, and how anything by Enya can sail me away.

Sometimes, I just like to cry.

I love cartoons and sappy movies. I can’t watch horror or suspense because its just too intense. I’ve never seen Pulp Fiction (although I did just go out and rent it to watch tonight). I love chic lit and classic lit. I’ve read “Who Moved My Cheese”. I like Stephen King, even if he is twisted. I like to read smut magazines. I’ve subscribed to ESPN the Magazine, Cosmopolitan, and Latina.

I like that I do........even though I sometimes shouldn't.

I am addicted to anticipation. I love the way it feels coursing through my veins……waiting for the next email, the next call………waiting for the next letter on wheel of fortune…....waiting for the next score in a game. Or maybe I’m just impatient. I’m passionate, I’m governed by my emotions, and yet some decisions require meticulous research, thought, and planning.

I love my family and my animals.

I love butterfly kisses.

It makes me angry to have to “Spring” ahead an hour. Sometimes I think trains are stupid. I occasionally get a little crabby in the mornings. Most of the time I get REALLY crabby in the mornings…….*sigh* my fingers are getting tired so I guess I should just call it good here – I never knew I knew so much about me!

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