Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Long term focus sucks

I’m sure all this resentment/anger/desperation can be directly related to the fact that I feel like huge piles of crap right now. Lots of drainage, cough and sneezing to make my sunshiny day that much better! It also can be related to my past weekend. Short as it was, it’s always incredibly amazing to spend time with Pat O’Brien – but unfortunately, I always end up being incredibly resentful upon returning to Mexico. It’s difficult to explain, I guess, but I will try (because, dear reader, isn’t that what this blog is about?). I know Mexico will help me realize benefits in the future that I can’t quite grasp right now, and I also know that it was a dream of mine to move and live here. So, in the long term, I know this is the best decision for me, and I’m proud of myself for making it – despite all my life changes in the past year. My anger/discontent resides in the fact that I’m not really having a jolly ol’ time here – so far it’s definitely not all its cracked up to be. So, basically I am choosing to be miserable in Mexico instead of being safe and happy in the arms of Pat O’Brien in Chicago. As most Americans, I have a hard time with the long term – because instant gratification is so much more, well, gratifying. But, alas, I will persevere for the long term knowing that it is best. Apparently this international assignment is turning into being a huge character building exercise. I should be full of character when I get home. Chock full!

1 comment:

Beth said...

Hey you,
Hang in there. I've been there with the frustration in a foreign culture thing. What's incredibly satisfying about the opportunity, which u dont appreciate while you're there, is who you are when u emerge. You'll feel capable of taking on the world and that ability alone will give you so much more strength. I'm sending you all my love and some of my strength (hey i gotta reserve some for myself :)