Monday, January 14, 2008

Ahhhh - beginning to feel normal again :)

And needing to post pics of my little man :)

Every once and a while you just get a shot that makes the 100's of photos you take so worth it :) This was definitely one of those! He just made this silly little face, and I happened to be pushing the button at the same time. *Sigh* I love his crazy hair!!

Hard to believe he's approaching 4 months, isn't it?

Lets see, we did buy a new computer (hooray!) - got a great deal on a beauty from Costco! But Pat has hijacked it until he gets all his CD's (which is hundreds) ripped and safely on his iPod. The man and his music. I think he has over 30 Bruce Springsteen CD's. Every other song on shuffle is Bruce. I mean, yeah, he sings OK.....but, jeez!

Also bought a copy (an actual legitamate, not pirated copy!) of Photoshop CS3! I'm so excited!! That is on its way and should be here this week, just in time for Pat to give me the computer back from his hijacking it! I can't wait to get back to scrapping!

:::::::::::: Health Update ::::::::::::

Well, I haven't really been myself lately. Really since, Liam was born. OK, really, since I stopped taking my depression meds in July 05 :) Anyway, its just been really difficult for me to function - being sad all the time - its not hard for me to function as far as being a Mom, I think I'm doing a great job at that.....but taking care of myself, the house, and work - well, it just wasn't happening. I've been going to a therapist since October....and that seemed to help for a while, but its just not enough.

So, I made the tough decision to start to wean Liam. There is a lot of research out there that says it is safe to breastfeed while taking some meds.....but not everyone is in agreement, and they definitely aren't long term studies. My doctor felt pretty adamantly about it - he said he wouldn't perscribe the meds if I was going to continue. So after a lot of my own research, I decided I didn't quite feel comfortable enough to exclusively breastfeed. I'm going to cut out the day time feedings, and if my supply will allow, continue with two feedings a day, one in the morning, one at night. These two feedings will also be at the time where the drugs are at the lowest in my system, so I feel better about that too.

That's the logical side of the story.

The reality is that it was a HARD decision for me to come to. HARD. I bawled like a baby the night the doctor perscribed the meds. It just broke my heart. For a lot of reasons. I worked SO hard to get to this point - breastfeeding was TOUGH at first. So hard. It was so easy to see why some women just can't do it. And after working so hard to achieve something, its heartwrenching to give it up. And I really enjoy the closeness and breastfeeding relationship Liam and I have right now. It makes me feel pretty darn special to nourish his body with something I produce.

I really didn't have a set goal for breastfeeding him - I started out small - just make it through the first week - just make it through 2 weeks, then a month, then two months - then four......ultimately I would have liked to do 6, but four is pretty darn good considering I wanted to throw in the towel a million times around week 2.

I know he'll do just fine on formula, and I know I'll still get lots of snuggles and cuddles. It just is a big change.

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