I've been on Meds now for depression for, oh, about three months. Started on zoloft, changed to wellbutrin in the hopes that my sex drive would come back......it did, but so did a whole slew of obsessive/compuslive thoughts, and I was soooo irritable and crabby - and really couldn't focus or concentrate for beans. So, we just switched again to lexapro. I'm crossing my fingers that this works! I just want to be a normal, functioning human being again!!!
Pat has been traveling a ton this past month, and last week without him was HOR-RI-BLE. I was pretty sure that Liam was teething like a mo-fo, and he started to get sick too. Double Whammy. I think I was already PO'd because Pat was gone, then irritable because of the meds, cranky because of all the medical procedures I've had done, and ON TOP of all that, Liam did NOT want to sleep. At all. Until 4AM. Oh, and he was screaming. And he didn't want to let me sit down. Wow - that was incredible. I lost it at around 3AM, just put him in his bed, screamed into a pillow, banged my head against the fridge (gently, but you get the point) and let him cry. Then he started throwing up because he was crying so hard about 30 minutes later....but thankfully I was calmed down enough to take care of him more patiently and lovingly. He feel asleep shortly after.
All I have to say is thank the SWEET LORD for wraps and slings, because if I didn't have those I know I wouldn't have lasted as long as I did!
Anyway, I recovered......but vowed to never EVER ever be alone with him again. EVER. Of course, it was just the emotion of the day after, but I arranged for my mom to come visit while Pat was away on his next trip (he left this morning). I was so happy she was here.
Liam is still sick, so mom and I took him to the doctor today to make sure he didn't have an ear infection or pneumonia or anything horrible. He just slept pretty shit-ily last night, and didn't really want anything to do with his bottle today. Lucky for us, he's A-OK...just a cold, and DEFINITELY some teeth coming in (hooray!) You can even start to see them sprouting now :)
So we leave the doctor and go to the grocery store to pick up some stuff. All the sudden, Liam starts SCREAMING and I see blood in the corners of his mouth. ACK! I flipped out!!! It wasn't gushing mind you, but it wasn't a little bit of blood either. I have no idea what happened. My mom thought a tooth broke through, or maybe he scratched his mouth or something......so we left our full grocery cart in the isle and go to the car, and by time we get him in the car seat the bleeding stopped. I still called the doc, and they're like, well.....if its gushing, take him to the ER, if its not, you can come in after hours in about three hours......We didn't have to go back though - he was his ol' perky happy self shortly thereafter. I still have no idea what happened.....
Definitely freaked me out though. I don't know what I would have done if my mom weren't here......I don't have a whole heck of a lot of confidence in my patience or parenting skills right now.....I know that it will come back eventually as the intensity of these events fade, but I just feel like I can't do much right at the moment!
*sigh* It feels good to get that all out. Well, out to some venue other than my therapist :) actually, I think that's a good sign in of itself. When I'm feeling really down and out, I rarely feel like blogging. So, the fact that I am blogging means I'm feeling better already!