Crap

Yup, that’s pretty much what I feel like right now. There’s not really any good cause either. I had a pretty productive day at work, had good conversations with family and friends over the past couple of days. I guess I just have the blues.

I guess it’s fair to say that I expected this. Moving to another country poses a huge emotional burden on a person. HUGE. Somehow though, I managed to pass the preliminary psychiatric evaluation, even despite my other life goings on, and my emotional history. I have an obsessive compulsive personality that is prone to depression. I have been off and on medication for the past 7 years, and I also have been in and out of therapy for over 15 years (I think my first session was in the 4th grade). I’m not sure why – genetic pre-disposition, maybe? Yeah, that’s it! Always blame the parents! Seriously though, I guess I am destined to struggle with this for the rest of my life; even with medication and therapy, I don’t think it can ever really be fixed. It just comes and goes as it pleases. What a sad thought. I’m destined to never be completely happy on my own.

I would love to find a therapist here, but I really think that would be futile given the language barrier and all. And I don’t want to go back on medication because, well, I don’t like to be medicated frankly, even though I know they help. I think I am going to resort to doing some sort of online therapy. We’ll see how it goes.