Back 2 Life, Back 2 Reality

Boy, being on medical leave for two weeks really spoiled me. Today is my first real day back at work. I kinda sorta worked yesterday, but not really. The U of M engineering career fair is more fun than work, and I was only there for a couple hours because of my bum knee. Its hard work standing up all the time; especially since most of the past two weeks was spent on my arse!

Anyway, returning to work is a drag. There is a pile of messages and bills and paperwork a mile high that is just calling my name. I think I actually might stay until 7 or 8 pm tonight to try to get a handle on things. At least that will give me a couple hours where my phone won't ring! Its driving me nuts!

I got my stitches out yesterday, and the scar isn't all that bad. Its about four inches long, but really thin. Not that I'm all that concerned about it - I already had a plethora of scars on my knees from being a graceful kid. Hey, and I didn't even pass out when they took them out!

no pain, no gain

I had my first physical therapy session on Thursday, my second today. Both sessions involved cursing the physical therapist and swearing, and also crying. I realize that it is all helping my knee, but it still really bites my ass.

The past week has been trying - and my back hurts even with the new couch. Pat O'Brien says its too soft; but really, if you sit on your arse for 7 days straight I think that any couch is going to hurt your back.

Anyway, back to my trying week. OK - honestly, how trying can it be with a really hunky man with a stubble beard waiting on you hand and foot? Its not that bad at all :) Even if it is just for the eye candy! Really, its sooo nice having someone to help me out, but at the same time I get really frustrated depending on someone.

The week was spent watching a ton of movies, playing XBOX, reading smut magazines and general lounging around. Oh, and we did get a chance to get in two spankings (get your mind out of the gutter)- U of M shaming EMU and the Bears trouncing the Lions. I also managed to get hooked on the Sopranos. I watched the first season and part of the second. This is troublesome seeing as how I tend to resist seeing things that are super popular. Its also troublesome because I don't cable let alone HBO. Oh well, I still have a while - three and a half more seasons :)

BTW. Today is National Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arrrrr.

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

Please enjoy quite possibly my favorite joke, but by far my favorite pirate joke. Courtesy of Pat O'Brien.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. Bartender says "Hey, matey, whats with the steering wheel?"

Pirate replies, "Arrrrrrr. It's drivin' me nuts!"

Oh the PAIN!!!!

OK, I'm back. Yesterday was a heck of a day. Pat O'Brien took me to the hospital about 5:45AM or so, and I was processed right away. I was actually quite impressed with the efficiency of the hospital. I was back in Pre-op by 6:30, and in the operating room by 7:30 - right on schedule. I was first for the day, so my surgeon showed up in jeans, a big belt buckle holding an apple. It was good to say hi right before though. Seemed like a nice enough guy.

The person we spent the most time with was the anesthesiologist (sp?) resident who took care of me. He was a big dude, which looked hilarious since he was wearing a colorful surgical hat with monkeys all over. The big dude (Jason was his name, I think) talked me into having an epidural instead of a general anesthesia - even though I was pretty much dead set against it before I arrived. Turned out to be a great idea - I thought if I chose the epidural I would be awake and freaking out, but I ended up being sedated and put to sleep, I just woke up and didn't have any nausea or anthing. It was a wise decision, I highly reccomend it.

I really didn't get a chance to freak out - I was pretty darn proud of myself. Pat O'Brien got to stay with me through Pre-op, and by time I left to go to the operating room I was feeling pretty happy with some relaxing drugs, so it was easy to leave :)

After the surgery was all done, there really wasn't any pain because everything was still asleep. Although, it was weird waiting for my butt and legs to "come to". My butt was the last to get feeling. I guess usually your toes get awake first, and then works its way up, but I was opposite - it went thighs, hips, calves, toes then butt. I guess I've never been one to be conventional.

And, I almost passed out like three times during recovery. Don't really know why - I guess I'm just a sissy. My blood pressure at the lowest was 70/40; freaked the nurse and Pat out a little bit, but I fought the urge and didn't lose conciousness.

OK - time to take more drugs and sleep. Thanks to all who have sent well wishes - it means a lot to have people thinking of me :)

Twas the night before surgery.....

Sheesh. I figured I would be freaking out by now. I'm really not. Its officially midnight, which means its past my "Do not eat after this time" time. I can't have water after 4AM. I'm debating wether or not I should even go to bed! I have to be at U of M by 6AM - the surgery is scheduled at 7:30AM. So, when you wake up, say a quick prayer for me :)

For those that don't know the procedure, the surgeon is taking a tendon from my patella (knee cap) and making a fake ACL to attach to my femur and fibula so my leg bones stay together and I can eventually have some turning action in my leg. Right now, forward and backward is OK, its the side to side or turning motions that kill me!

Anywho - back to why I'm not freaking out. I think part of the reason why I'm so calm about everything is Pat O'Brien's influence. He's got a laid back calming vibe about him. Earlier today, I started freaking out a bit - so I told him I'm really nervous about tomorrow......so, he said, "well, worry about it tomorrow :)" and then gave me a big bear hug. Funny how something so simple can make me really forget my fear, if only for a moment, and be able to laugh and smile!

I'm so very fortunate that he was able to come take care of me for the week. I can think of better ways to spend my vacation than to take care of an invalid! So, not only is he using vacation time to take care of me; there's more! Here's the kicker.......he gave up his Bears vs. Lions tickets for this Sunday's game at Soldier Field. I told him he's crazy - and I also said that he's a better person than me because I don't know if I'd be able to do the same! I have to admit though - it made me feel pretty good.

Speaking of feeling good....I'm pretty sure I'll have vicodin when I come home, but last time I had that (when my wisdom teeth were pulled) I really didn't like it too much. Sure, it makes the pain go away, or makes you not mind the pain, rather. But I really don't like that loopy feeling that makes me out of control. I suppose I'm too much of a control freak - suprise suprise! This is also the reason why I'll never become and alcoholic/drug abuser - I can't give up that much control!

Oh my aching back!

Well, I made a big decision. It only took me two days and three stores! Its a world record! And really, it may not seem like a big deal, but about two weeks ago I had a mental break down because I couldn't decide which pots and pans set to purchase. Its hard to do after having someone to corroborate with for such a long time!

Let me explain - Troy got most of the big goods, since I was going to store most of my stuff anyway and get a furnished apartment. What he didn't take with him, we sold this summer. Turns out, furnished apartments aren't as readily available in Mexico as I thought, and Holcim doesn't store stuff anymore. For the sake of keeping my parent's garage clear, I figured I should get some stuff to furnish my place.

I currently have a couch and chair that is really quite adorable - its a bamboo Florida set circa 1960 or so (original orange and brown flower print - way cool). Its in great shape, and is functional, and I recovered it to match the decor. As I spend more time sitting on the couch (since I now have wireless at the house and its hard to pry myself from the internet....I mean, work), I've been realizing that my back is seriously killing me before I go to bed. It just dawned on me that it was the couches! I knew they were uncomfortable, but I didn't really think they were causing me pain!

So, I figured since I'm going to be spending a significant amount of time lounging on the couch watching TV after my surgery, I really should have something more comfortable, and something that I can take to Mexico that will last a few years. Nothing too fancy or expensive. After much searching - I found the number above at Value City! And, its microfiber so the cat hair won't stick as much! AND - ITS RED! They had a few different colors, including the nice beige above - but I'm coming to realize I'm really not that much of a beige girl. I'm vibrant :) So my couch obviously should match! Unfortunately, the ottoman wasn't in stock, so I'll have to wait to get that, but its sooo cute! I'll get it on Wednesday - the day after the surgery. I'll probably be drugged up on Vicodin, but I'll be super duper comfey!

Update on knee, Mexico, etc.

My desire to keep this blog updated has dwindled, it seems. But, I've been under a lot of stress moving back into my house, so now that I'm settled, I think it will be easier to update on a regular basis again......so, lets begin:

KNEE
I met with the surgeon a week after the MRI and they confirmed that I tore my ACL. Crap. Bad news. So much for holding out hope. The good news is that the other ligaments are all in good shape. I reiterated my situation regarding Mexico, and he strongly suggested that I stay for two months post op instead of one......crap again. If I'm super diligent with my rehab, maybe I'll be good to go in 6 weeks instead of 8!

More good news - there was a cancellation and my surgery is scheduled for TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 13. Yup, next Tuesday! Its outpatient, but I'm still going to go under. The thought of having an epidural and hearing the drills and jackhammers and burning flesh makes me want to pass out and barf, not neccessarily in that order.

MEXICO
Now that surgery is set, I've set my start date for November 15th! Whoooo Hoooo - PROGRESS! Now I have to just get all the crappy paperwork in order (it never eeeeeennnnnndddddddssssss!!!!!)

LIFE
Troy found an apartment and moved out a week or so ago (mostly) - so I moved back into the house. It was wierd at first, but I've settled back in. Just me and the kitties now! The house is officially listed, and since the implemenation of the virtual tour there has been a showing or two. No real big bites. Not suprising, though. There are about 10 other homes for sale in the neighborhood, and not a whole heck of alot of good economy. So, keep your fingers crossed.....and, if your interested:


Link to Karin's House

Thats about it for now *sigh* lots of stuff!

MRI a-go-go

I had my MRI on my knee last night. It was pretty cool, and actually kind of relaxing. I got to sit in a place for 30 minutes and not worry about work calling on my cell phone :) Seriously though, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was only stuck in up to my neck, so I didn't get freaked out, and the earplugs helped drone the noise.

The noises were actually kind of hilarious! I thought they were going to give me a migrane, but really, they just reminded me of something out of a bad sci-fi movie. You know, like alien photon blasters and such. Or, you could compare it to the horrible sound of all horns on the rides at Cedar Point's Kiddie Kingdom back in the day. I could have used some earplugs back then.

The preparation was fun too - they really freak you out when they ask if you have ever had metal shards in your eyes, metal pins in your body or shrapnel or if you've ever stood too close to anything metal or if you've ever swallowed a penny in your life. It makes you think if you do, then the MRI magnetic field and radio waves are going to get ahold of it, rip it through your body and make the metal part careen toward the machine where it will spontaneously combust upon impact and destroy the northern hemisphere. Geez people - I'm trying to relax! Quit freaking me out!

Then they remind you to remove all jewelry and body piercing (with which I happily complied). But, part way through the test, I realized I still had my bra on. My very large bra. My very large bra with very large METAL underwire pieces in it. So, I squeezed my panic button and the MRI tech comes rushing in to see if I'm ok. And I say - "uh, my bra has metal in it" - and she just laughs and says I'll be ok.

Really, I was more concerned with interference of the pictures of my knees, but I swear I could feel my bra getting hot.

Viva Toronto!

My my my - sometimes I wonder why our lives are so busy that we make time to please people that irritate us (i.e. Work) but we never make enough time to see the ones we love; and those who refresh our soul! Does that seem backward to anyone else? Or is it just me?

Anywho - I finally made the time (after about four other delayed trips) to visit my good friend Eunice who lives in Toronto. We were also very VERY fortunate to get to meet up with another college friend, Beth, who is from all over, but most recently, New Jersey, where she's shacking up with her sister and her family until she departs for Israel for 5 months. It was great to see them before I trapse across the other side of North America! Really, getting together sounds like something out of a joke - A Chinese woman, a Mexican and a Jew walk into a bar.....

These are incredible women whom I've officially been friends with for 10 years. It really doesn't seem that long! We met freshman year in 2nd Tyler in East Quad - I'm pretty sure they were the first two people I met....we don't talk every day, or even every week, and if we are lucky, we get to see each other once a year. But every time we pick up right where we left off. Its a huge bonus to have access to blogs and email as well, so even if we don't talk, we are still involved in each others lives.

I just feel so refreshed after being with them for two short days - they were so patient with my crutches and my gimpiness! We had lots of great food, bubble tea and went shopping at the Chinese Mall (yes, there is such a thing, and yes, there are a LOT of Chinese people there!). Most of all it was just good knowing that after all that has happened my life, there are people who love me unconditionally, and who will always be there for a shoulder to cry on.

Or, to take me for a drink and a trip to a Shoe Museum.

Thanks Girls, for loving me!

Coming Clean....

OK, despite much internal anguish from being so completely humiliated - I've decided to share the REAL story of how I hurt my knee.

Let me set the stage: Beautiful Saturday afternoon with Pat O'Brien's family. Beer flowith, along with some really yummy Irish Whiskey. We have a fabulous dinner, which is followed by more beer, and some grey goose cosmos. I'm pretty sure we played Charades (By the way, Y Tu Mama Tambien is a valid and well known movie title - its not my fault you couldn't act it out :) ).

Add more grey goose cosmos. Kids and grandparents went to bed. Texas hold 'em game starts. I go all in the first hand.....and lose. More cosmos, and beer? This is where it starts to get fuzzy. Kristen (Pat O'Briens sister-in-law) finds an almost full fifth of apple pucker and decides that we all have to finish it. The boys take two shots like the troopers they are, while me, Kristen and Mo (Pat O'Briens sister) finish the rest. I'm pretty sure I started crying for some reason at some point during the evening. Then, I think, we all started to dance.

Not only was I dancing, but apparantly in my enlightened state I decided that it was a good idea to show off how cool I was, because I'm still as flexible now as I was in high school. *NOTE TO SELF* *ITS NEVER A GOOD IDEA TO SHOW OFF*. So, as I'm dancing, I take my right leg and lift it up by my ear, cheerleader style. I'm still dancing/hopping/twirling on my left leg, thinking how cool I am.

Then, here's where its really fuzzy, I either lost my balance and fell, or my knee gave out and I fell, or I just got dizzy and fell. In any case, I fell. My knee hurt like a sunofabitch and I couldn't get up (I actually remember thinking in my head at this point "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up" - I don't think that commercial will ever die). I vaguely remember Kristen giving me a wedgie. And Pat O'Brien helping me up.

Then I went to bed.

So, thats my story, and I'm sticking to it. I guess one could say I tripped and fell, but that really is leaving out the meat of the story. The moral of this story is Don't Get Really Loaded and Try to Show Off in Front of Family Members. Nothing good can ever come of it.

Bum Knee

So, its official. After my appointment yesterday with U of M MedSport they confirmed my worst fear - I have a completely torn ACL in my left knee. I can't believe I injured myself so severely while doing something completely non-intense. Its crazy!

I have to undergo an MRI to determine the extent of auxillary damage to surrounding soft tissue and cartilage. Part of me is holding on to a false hope - I hope after the MRI the doctor says "good news! Your ACL really isn't torn! You totally don't need surgery!". But, I really know thats not going to happen :(. I will be needing surgery - the doc said I could either do it here at U of M or do it in Mexico.....I've decided (along with almost EVERYONE I've talked to) to have the surgery here, start rehab, and then complete rehab in Mexico. The way some people reacted when I suggested having surgery in Mexico, you'd think they didn't have the same medical technology. Its not like they operate with really sharp tortillas after sanatizing with tequila people! they have to go to med school too!

Anywho, in the meantime, its lots of rest, ice and physical therapy to get the swelling down and the muscles strong in preparation for going under the knife. It also means electro-stimulation, which was wierd at first, but really works and is WAY cool!

This also means postponing my departure for Mexico about a month or so. Kinda stinks, I was hoping to leave in August and now it won't be until October. But, on the positive side (because I am an eternal optimist) it gives my replacement (congrats ALF!) lots of time to relocate his family to Michigan.

*Sigh* Lots of prayers my way people.....physical therapy is hard, and I'm a sissy. And frankly, I don't like doing things that aren't easy.

Too Much Excitement!

This past weekend I spent some time in Indiana with Pat O'Brien's family. Although presented with a similar set of nerves as when he met my family, everything went off without a hitch. Well, sort of.

On Saturday night, my and my ever present gracefulness were out in full force. I managed to fall and jack my good knee all to heck. We won't go into details here - we'll just say that it wasn't pretty. and it may have involved alcohol.

Anyway, Pat and I went to an urgent care place on Sunday early afternoon, and they hooked me up with some bandages/crutches/anti-inflamatory/other sissy gear. Made for some good conversation on Sunday :) His family was pretty cool about it - making slight fun of me while helping me hop around the house. It actually made me feel pretty welcome, belive it or not!

So now I'm waiting until tomorrow so I can go to U of M and get a full examination from a sports med person......until then, it will be elevation, ice, and OTC pain killers for me!

The great Realtor Debate

Part of the relocation with SIRVA is having to meet with two different Realtors before we decide and list our house. I met with one today and must say I was impressed by her work and preparation - but was dissappointed in one aspect. The price of the house! I realize that we need to price to sell, but I was actually quite shocked! I still have to meet with the other realtor so we can see what he thinks about price. Apparrantly it is a buyers market, which sucks for us, but what else are we going to do????

Cross Cultural Training

Today i filled out a questionaire for my two day cross cultural training session. i really started to think about it, and I figured I had a heads up on the whole culture thing because, well, i'm half Mexican. I'm late for everything, like bright vibrant colors, love Mexican food, and love my gigantic family.


But really, if you think about it, I don't know beans in China about anything! I have a good handle on the value of family and the generosity of the culture, but besides that, NADA! Because we're Mexican American - and thats very different from being straight from the mother land (although neither is bad nor worse, even though the two groups did NOT get along in Denver). So, before where I was kind of blowing off the whole cross cultural training thing, I think I might actually get something out of it.

When it comes down to it, although I'm proud to be a brown peoples, I'm American.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Happy Birthday Euni!

As Real As It Gets

Over the past few days it has been a whirlwind of relocation information. The authorization finally went through and a flurry of calls have been coming in every hour it seems like. There is one company, SIRVA, which is coordinating everything, but I also have to deal directly with thier providers for specific services.

So far, I've talked to

• SIRVA
• Latin American Relocation
• World Pet Transport
• North American Vanlines
• Home sale people
• PricewaterhouseCoopers for tax stuff

and its only been a couple of days! To say the least, its been rather taxing, and exhausting. I realize that all these steps and preparation are necessary, and it will make the transition to Mexico as smooth as possible, and it will all pay off in the end. But really, it is sheer madness in just trying to coordinate everything. The worst part is the emotional aspect seems to be taking a toll as well......Its really happening! Dealing with the stress of it all is just making my emotions go up and down and round and round. Its like PMS, but way WAY worse. The ups and downs just helps to reinforce the fact that this trip is way Real. and I'm sure its going to get worse before it gets better!

Part of the emotinoal rollercoaster I'm sure is my life outside of the relocation. There are things in this life that I currently have that I am looking forward to leaving behind; but there are others that it just breaks my heart to have to say goodbye.

I suppose though you need a little heartbreak to make the great things in life shine a little brighter; so you can appreciate them more.

Anguish for naught

So, last week was a much needed and much deserved break from the craziness of Metro Detroit. I will say I really do adore the upper west coast of Michigan. People there are so nice, and the customers are way cool too. They don't often give me the willies as some people do here in Detroit. Sometimes I wonder how illegal they are....

Anywho, down to business. We did finally get a good campsite at Platte River Campground, after my dear father drove two hours like five times to wait in line and transfer to a site with electricity and hook and unhook the camper. I felt bad that when we did get our final site on Thursday that I couldn't stick around to unpack. But, at least they have been camping for the last millenium it seems (or last month, whatever), so I'm prety sure they have a system and I'd end up just slowing them down anyway.

Pat O'Brien and I met up in G-Rap on Thursady night. Luckily, we were able to meet up with Keith and Kyle. Their phones were turned off, supposidly because Kyle forgot to pay the bill - but Keith paid it and called right away. Anywho, we went to the bar with Keith and Kyle - or rather went to B-Dubs for some wings and beer, then went to a piano bar afterwards with Keith and pals. Kyle went home because he had to work at the ass crack of dawn. I was actually pretty proud of him! We got up early Friday morning and headed back up north.

I didn't get nervous until we actually were in the campground. I actually felt like I was going to barf. Its been a long time since I brought someone to meet my parents; let alone to meet under wierd circumstances. Turns out Pat O'Brien was petrified too, although he didn't let much show because he's way too macho for that :)

Turns out all that anguish was for naught. After the initial introduction, things went pretty smoothly. I think my mom and dad were prepared for it to be pretty strange and uncomfortable, but it really wasn't. Pat O'Brien just fits so well.....I also think it helped that he really gets along well with my brothers, so it was very easy to just hang out. He even took an early float on the river with just Keith and Kyle while the girls went to TC to score some more INNER TUBES.

Karli took a liking to him too. She even called him ahead of time to warn him - or rather tell him not to worry if my parents were wierd. She also proceeded to kick his ass in many different card games. Its pretty funny to watch a guy of his stature get his ass handed to him by an 85 lb teeniebopper.

My Favorite Things

So I'm headed out on a well deserved break from reality for a few days......actually I'm going to, as I often do, combine work with pleasure. It often works in my favor!

For instance, I'm headed this afternoon to Traverse City and staying the night so I can meet with my sales guy, Ken "The Colonel" Foster, there tomorrow morning for breakfast. Then we'll go out and meet with a few customers. The kicker is that my parents and Karli are meeting me tonight at the hotel, and mooching off my free hotel room. Then tomorrow they'll set up camp while I'm working and I'll hang out with them until Sunday. It works out quite well to have customers in upper Michigan in the summer time!

Keith and Kyle are going to head up on Friday as well, and we'll have a fabulous time at the Sleeping Bear Dune National Lakeshore - one of my favorite places on earth. I'm sure the weekend will include hiking, floating down a river, imbibing in adult beverages, campfires and smores. Theres not much else I really need!

There's also someone else heading up this weekend too........to meet the family for the first time......The engineer (a Professional Engineer, not unlike Brad Pitt in Mr. & Mrs. Smith - except for he's not an assasin for hire, I don't think) who works for our company in Chicago, Pat O'Brien, has been a very good friend of mine over the course of our professional careers - about five-ish years or so. Recently, we've discovered that the base of our friendship provided a rather natural, yet unexpected, progression into a romance. So, he gets to brave the waters and meet the clan, all at once! He's already spent a little time with my brothers........and they approve.......so I have no doubt that the rest of my family will be open to his incredibly charming personality :)

I may or may not be updating while I'm gone - unless miraculously I have a wireless internet connection in the campground (which isn't out of the question with all the upgrades they've done over the years). Regardless, all the juicy details will be posted on Monday.

Until then......

Summer and Friends

One of the things I despise most about being an adult is the inability of myself (and others, I'm sure) to make time for friends. It seems that summertime, a time when you're supposed to be enjoying the company of others, is most difficult.

I know my situation is compounded by getting the house ready for sale, selling our personal belongings, making sure everything is set - but there was so much I wanted to do this summer that I'm not sure if I'll be able to.

Most of the stuff is frivolous, but there are some really important people in my life that I don't know if I'll be able to see before I go. And now, even though I might have more time before I leave, these two women might even begin new journeys in thier lives before I go - which means I have even less time than I thought.

So, I will mention them here, in cyberspace, even though they might not see it.

Beth - even if you feel like your loosing your mind with your own crazy summer schedule - I'm so proud of the decisions you've made in your life as of late. Israel is going to be kick ass - and an opportunity you will NEVER regret, even if you don't have your life planned out after you get back stateside. Expatriates ROCK! Thanks for being there to listen to me bitch, and for letting me live vicariously through you!

Gena - I'm sooooooo excited for you and your new opportunity in Las Vegas (no, she's not going to be a showgirl, although she'd make a DAMN fine one if she was!). I'm so proud that you've taken control and begun to steer your own destiny. Thanks always for loving me and standing by me, even if you don't understand my decisions. I'd say that I'd miss you, but Vegas is closer than Saginaw to Mexico City, so hopefully plane fares will be cheaper and I'll still get to see you :)

I LOVE YOU GIRLS SO MUCH! Go forth and kick ass - we will take over the world!

A different perspective

A friend of mine is writing a book on scrapbooking, specifically relating to homes and houses. She asked me to compose a two page spread for the book, knowing my crazy mad scrapbooking skillz. Not an unusual request.

The twist - the spread has to be about my home, but more so about how I feel about it now that I'm divorcing, and moving to Mexico.

I went to the house yesterday to take pictures when Troy wasn't there, and it was an erie experience. I initally thought that I had no emotional attachment to the house because we were planning on leaving anyway. But as I went through each room and took pictures, I began to think of many different things - and even more emotions came to the surface. And yes, it did involve crying :)

I essentially started to look at things not for what they were, or what took place in them, but for what DIDN'T happen. Like our front porch with two chairs on it - that we never took the time to sit in and enjoy each other and our neighborhood. Or our kitchen, which we never found time to cook together. As I walked through, it became not a house, but a reminder of all the things that went wrong in our marriage.

Although it was our first real home - it was the first place we stayed at for more than a year - it just felt empty. The house was filled with all kinds of "stuff", material things, items we wanted or just had to have; but it was empty. Kind of like our marriage.

Funny how a seemingly simple exercise can change your perspective on things. I don't think I'll look at that house the same. And now, I'm even more anxious to sell it.

End of an era

Last week was a pretty intense week for me. Offer letter, divorce, blah blah blah.

All in all, everything went according to plan. By the way, its no wonder why we have lawyers! It takes someone just a little bit crazy to be able to deal with people in the court system. They were less than pleasant, and not helpful at all in any sense of the word!

Anyway, I've been going to our house to help Troy clean so it will be ready for sale as soon as all the relocation paperwork is started. Most of the time we get along pretty well, but, lets just say there are moments when we really want to ring each other's neck! Last night wasn't quite one of those times. I'm not sure if it was because I was emotional (God, I love being a woman) or what, but we cleaned a couple rooms and sat down to watch a movie. I brushed Samsons hair out (he was looking pretty scraggley), and it felt, well, normal. After I left last night it was the first time that I actually missed Troy. There wasn't any negative energy or anything.......it was a very strange feeling.

Don't get me wrong, I don't regret my decision for a bit. I know that it is the right thing for us to not be together. I guess for a minute there I just remembered why we were together in the first place.