Heartbreak

It is nearly impossible for me to not involve myself emotionally with things. Sometimes people say “well, don’t get your hopes up” or, “don’t get too excited” – and those are two phrases that I am unable to process. Sometimes people say that you should not let your emotions govern you, that you should rule your emotions. Again, another thing that I am incapable of doing.

It’s a double edged sword. I don’t do anything half assed – it’s usually all or nothing with me. When I decide there is something I want to do – I go all out until I get it or I have proved satisfactorily that it cannot be done. Proof of that is me being here in Mexico. There were many people who didn’t necessarily want to spend the dough to send me here – I kept on pushing until they thought otherwise.

The other edge of that sword is that I become all consumed in whatever task I decided to make my mission, and I don’t often stop until its completed – regardless of cost – because really, it *can* be done even if it *shouldn’t*. some might call that obsession – and they probably are correct in doing so – but that part of me has taken my life to various successes, and the ability to really enjoy the high of those risks, even at the cost of being heartbroken from time to time.

So that brings me to this point. Could we have Tigers tickets at Comerica? Yes, we could. But at what cost? I’ve mentioned that issue before – and Pat O’Brien and I made the decision that it wasn’t worth it because of the other expenses we have coming up with the wedding and essentially non-available income. Heartbreak #1

I got an email last night from the St. Louis Cardinals saying that if they won last nights game, I would have the opportunity to buy tickets in St. Louis. The email made it sound like it was a sure thing – I looked into flights, hotels, tentatively rearranged my schedule with work…..I was excited! I had my hopes up…..despite the warning from Pat O’Brien. Alas, the email was probably sent to everyone that didn’t get tickets from the lottery the first time around and while sitting in the virtual waiting room this morning at 9:30 AM, the tickets were sold out. Heartbreak #2

Could I have come home this weekend to watch the first two games in the good ol’ US of A in the company of ferocious Tiger fans, who coincidentally happen to be my future family-in-law, while having a fun family weekend at a Holidome in Kalamazoo? Yes, I could have. But that opportunity expired about 10 minutes ago – which was the last bus I could have caught to Mexico City in order to make the flight….and that my friends, was my third, and hopefully final, heartbreak of the week.

Yes, I suppose its all for the better. It’s always a good decision to not spend money that you don’t really have – not to borrow what you cannot afford to pay up front – but something in me really this week just wanted to throw caution to the wind – to forget about being responsible, level headed and practical, and to be able to be spontaneous, reckless, and carefree. I wanted to just live for the moment – to buy a really, really, last minute flight; to rush home, throw my things in a carry on, and run with everything I had to try to catch a flight and arrive safely to Pat O’Brien and company. You know, I actually contemplated doing it – I had my credit card number filled in – but right before I hit “complete order” – I thought twice. Because I knew if I showed up unexpected that Pat O’Brien just might be a little more angry at me for spending the money, than happy to see me…….that might have a been a little too much heartbreak for me to handle.