Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Still Angry....

But getting better. It was a great night last night because of the Tiger game and all. SOOOO fun to watch and cheer and chew some Big League Chew to support the boys….not sure if they can feel the love from way down here in Mexico, but trust me, its HERE!

I was pretty much mean all day yesterday to Pat O’Brien….which wasn’t very nice since I was doing it for no good reason. Apparently I just feel the need to be a bitch sometimes. I’m sure he doesn’t appreciate it – I know if he was being a big dick to me I probably wouldn’t be nearly as forgiving. Maybe he puts up with it because he knows its part of me and we’ve pretty much accepted all of each other - the good, bad, and ugly. I guess that’s part of my ugly side. Makes me love him more though, for being so good to me even when he tells me “I love you – and miss you tons” and I reply, “Yeah? That’s cool.”


I promised I would be nicer after I picked up Keith from work, (basically during the 5th inning….I was back in time for the top of the 6th). I was true to my word, but it wasn’t easy. It’s hard to force myself to be nice when I don’t really want to.

Anyway, yet another reason I’ve come up with as to why I’m so crabby as of late is the whole exercise/weight loss thing. I get SOOOOO freakin’ frustrated – because I’m not one of those people who LOVES to exercise, who HAS to do it or I don’t feel good – or one of those people that LOVES veggies and healthy stuff…….really, I loathe it. Sometimes raw carrots and lettuce make me gag when I taste them. I’m not even one of those people who knows they have to exercise in order to eat whatever they want (I mean I do, but it doesn’t mean enough to actually DO it). It just sucks. I hate it. Especially today. Just because its one of those days.

In high school – it was so easy! Being involved in a sport you’re practicing two hours a day, or if not practicing, then playing in a game – so you’re automatically exercising 10 hours a week without really even thinking about it. Of course, you’re also only in class until 3:00… its not like working out for 2 hours is that big of a deal, because you still have time to live your life. Right now – it’s like torture for me to get in three hours a week! God – no WONDER I weighed 120 pounds then and am super overweight now! I wonder what would happen if I just decided that it would be cool to exercise ten hours a week…..I wonder if I wouldn’t have to worry about every frickin calorie that went into my mouth…..hmmmmm……maybe I should just make that my hobby instead of scrapbooking…..

But really, I need to develop a better attitude about it because cursing at myself first thing in the morning because I **HAVE** to get up and work out really isn’t healthy self dialogue. I need to lose weight because I’m officially obese, and I want to be healthier and provide the best environment possible for my future babies…….not to mention just the overall boost in self esteem would improve by looking better and feeling better.

I guess despite all this negative pissy pants talk I should say I’m rather proud of myself for actually going to the gym today despite my anger, and after lifting weights trying my second hand at spinning. It seemed to go better than the first time. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow – and see how sore I am. I need to not be too sore so I can still go back to the gym on Friday.

I really really hope that I get over the “I hate getting up” phase, and move into the “This really does feel good and I want to do it more” phase…….soon! I got up today (cursing and yelling) even though I didn’t go to bed until 1AM and didn’t fall asleep until well after 2:30AM. And then I got up at 6:00.

It sucks. Really, I feel like ass. I tried to trick myself. I thought that if I go to bed at 10:30 and can’t fall asleep until 12, maybe I should just stay up and make productive use of that time, and then just go to sleep when I’m TIRED. Yeah, well, I stayed up until 1AM, because that’s when I was finally tired, laid down, and then STILL didn’t fall asleep until an hour and a half later.

Half of that was me not being able to turn off my mind – the other half was not wanting to turn off my mind due to the HUGE GIANT FUZZY 1.5” diameter tarantula I found on my pillow when I pulled back the covers to get into bed. Makes it kinda hard to sleep when you feel like you’re going to be eaten alive by all its brothers and sisters while you are in dreamland. I managed to kill it myself without screaming and making Keith come in and get it – but I didn’t want to risk the spider not being there if I left to go get him…..then I really wouldn’t have been able to sleep knowing that it was still there – somewhere – lurking……

We’ll file that into “Things I didn’t have to worry about in the US”…..I mean, we’ve got some mean spiders – they are everywhere. But I’ll take fighting a daddy long legs over the creepy weird Eat You Alive types they have down here. If a spider’s body is bigger than its legs – it’s totally going to creep me out, because big bodies, to me, mean big giant fangs and poisonous sacs of venom. And I don’t want to mess with that.

COMPLETELY OFF TOPIC – but I just sent an email to my Spanish teacher, and I didn’t know that Gmail could spell check in English or Spanish without having to do anything special. That is super cool!

OK – enough ranting and rambling. I have lots of work to get done today, so I need to get to gettin’. Ciao.

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